The R word is not acceptable.
TW: Bullying, Suicide, Mental Health
I would be lying if I said that writing and sharing this opinion piece did not create some anxiety. I have hopes, that by speaking my mind here, it will inspire change, hope and sense of community. But I also acknowledge, that there are many important social issues that require a voice and conversation right now, and the last thing I want is to diminish those causes with my own. But I need to talk openly about my work in Canberra’s film and screen industry, and that in the disability sector, because I am concerned and uncomfortable. And I desperately need to make it clear to everyone, that the use of the R word is just not acceptable.
It might surprise some people, but for large portions of my life, I’ve been faced with ridicule, bullying, false judgement, gossip, rumours, lies, put downs and racial discrimination. I’ve been punched, spat on, farted on, tripped and verbally abused and threatened. This occurred not only at school growing up, both in England and in Australia, but in my workplaces here in Canberra and in our filmmaking community. It’s no wonder I have struggled with severe mental health issues for a number of years, previously struggled with suicidal thoughts, being counselled by clinical psychologists, and spending almost 10 years on and off anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication.
As of today writing this, I’m proud to feel the best I have in a long time. So much so I feel enabled enough to write about it, without feeling unnecessarily exposed. I am now med free, and receive regular healthy counselling. I experience the everyday difficulties any independent filmmaker with a corporate video production business would generally face. And yes, at times, I do still face challenges that leave me feeling low, depressed, and exhausted.
For years however, I have channeled this into my work, fuelling my desire to help people tell their stories through film and video. I want to be a filmmaker and content creator because it is something that makes me incredibly happy. What I create is not for me, but for others to take something away, be it knowledge, an emotion or just a sense of entertainment.
In the past, the people who are responsible for perpetrating these negative behaviours towards me, have simply got on with their lives. Some I have been able to remove from my own life through social media blocks, or just naturally losing contact over the years, while others frequently continue to collaborate and work with people I work with. This isn’t about naming anyone, but it’s likely and possible if you know me, you know these persons in question also to some capacity.
Most recently (and the reason behind why I am motivated to pen this piece,) I was informed of an incredibly offensive put down said about the work that I do in the disability sector. The person who spoke it, was not identified, but the phrase used was.
Said in a social gathering of sorts, it involved use of the R word — retard. The phrase was direct, mentioned my name, and referred to the aspiring filmmakers I work with. There was also a negative mention of the work belonging to the school children I mentor through my holiday filmmaking workshops, such work belonging to 9, 10 and 11 year olds.
The use of the R word to describe anyone with disability is the lowest of acts. But also being critical of the film work of school children is abhorrent.
Frankly, I’m heart broken. Not for myself at all. But that the jealously exhibited towards me by a select few wildly immature Canberra based filmmaking & screen practitioners has now extended in the direction of innocent parties, who desperately need to be accepted and loved for who they are.
I wanted to share this, not to campaign against any individual, but simply to bring attention to it. I would like this to be a learning moment. I want everyone to take this on notice. The Canberra film and screen community has to be better.
I am not afraid to admit that I am imperfect, I have made mistakes and the expectation of perfection by far is not required of anyone. I am working hard everyday to be better, and I hope everyone else is too.
Canberra’s filmmaking community once lived in a very toxic broken culture through badly organised groups and pseudo-organisations. This was before real action was made to legitimise our industry and community. We can credit our growth, from the establishment of positive events like Lights Canberra Action, the creation of our screen body, Screen Canberra, and the forming of the CBR film fund, just to name three. But despite known associates of these older times being less active these day, I still see a level of toxicity that exists within Canberra’s filmmaking community.
In attempts to speak out previously, I have felt marginalised, placated, and briefed to show care to avoid making things uncomfortable.
But I am uncomfortable.
We need to do something more. We need to move past actions that focus on self-preservation and deliver change on a macro-level rather than the microcosm of an individual’s bigotry, or simple bad behaviour. I need your help, support, and acknowledgement of what can be achieved together.
This issue in front of us comes down to the core of who we are as a Canberra screen practitioners. This isn’t about the old guard or the new faces. This isn’t about competition and who is better at something than others. This is about Inclusion. Acceptance. And Community.
And for it to be successful, moments that lead to critical commentary, that involve offensive terms like the R word, about any group of people who are part of our community, must not happen.
Instead, all Canberra screen practitioners can do many great and inspiring things, that will empower and develop everyone around them. Beyond the obvious of being inclusive in your projects, be it age, gender, race, orientation or ability, you can use your talents to contribute and help be more welcoming.
Bus Stop Films, the inclusive and accessible film studies classes I tutor here in Canberra, is looking for volunteers to help in my weekly classes and inclusive film sets. Contact me and I can introduce you to the management team.
Focus on Ability Filmmaking Festival entries are open and filmmakers are encouraged to tell stories that highlight the abilities of someone with disability. Write a script and make a film for it. If you need to connect with any filmmakers or performers who live with a disability, I can help you.
Reach out to any filmmaker on any platform and just introduce yourself.
Know a filmmaker that needs a shout out? Share, write or tell their story through you own mini-film.
It’s definitely a lot easier to keep to ourselves and hope that someone else will either call it out, or put effort in to address a direct moment or problem, like I’ve shared about here. Yes, the minimum we can all do is speak out when we hear anyone say something inappropriate.
In this case, no one spoke up, except for someone telling me. So here’s me trying to do something about it.
Though I personally can only do so much, and I shouldn’t have the weight of solely driving cultural change in our community. It becomes even more challenging, when I seemingly become a punching bag for other people’s insecurities. So everyone needs to step up.
I’m hoping what I’ve shared will inspire you to bring some of your own drive, talents and enthusiasm to this conversation. We should most definitely condemn this behaviour, but also we need to acknowledge that we, yourself, I need to be part of the solution. Our attitudes needs to change, so we can continue to inclusively support Canberra’s growth as a place for professional and emerging screen, film and video content creation.
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